


Very Secret Diaries of Athos and Sylvie

by WeUsedToKnock



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: F/M, Hide and Seek, Party Games, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:12:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7459032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeUsedToKnock/pseuds/WeUsedToKnock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Athos met Sylvie...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Episode 2: the Hunger

**Author's Note:**

> This was the result of various friends complaining that the whole relationship between Athos and Sylvie (Season 3 of the BBC's 'The Musketeers') had been too rushed on screen, and seemed to have come from no-where. Obviously they weren't reading between the lines, so I decided (for some unknown reason) that I ought to fill in the gaps for them... Then they wanted more... 
> 
> There ought to be one for each episode, starting from Episode 2, but since I'm in the UK and not read any spoilers, I have no idea where we're going with this. 
> 
> The style owes more than a little to Cassandra Claire, Sue Townsend and Helen Fielding. And probably others.
> 
> Thanks (and apologies) are owed to the writers and actors whose stories and performances I have blatantly exaggerated, caricatured, deliberately misunderstood, and outright ignored when it suits me.
> 
> Thanks are also owed to the people who have nagged, encouraged, hounded and bribed me to keep writing - you know who you are.

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 1

**Day 1**

Well - I had a good day today - I was all busy being a refugee and trying to feed and educate my fellow citizens when a Mob comes barging along and accuses us of stealing all of Paris' grain stores. Idiots - like we can fit all that in here. Of course the Red Guards came and joined in, so lots of people were rounded up, including Dad. But on the plus side I found some top totty rummaging about in my room so I waved my pistol at him to indicate my interest in him - obviously he was far too lush (or 'Fit As Fuck' to be precise) to actually shoot so it was just foreplay really. And we had a staring contest, which I lost after his masterful and seductive talk about the proximity and penetration power of bullets. You'll never guess what though - he took one of Dad's leaflets with him. OMG! He's interested in freedom and equality for all!!! I'm _SO_ in there... So, I was really getting my hopes up when he took me back to his place, but turned out that he was a musketeer and all he wanted to do was talk about Dad's leaflets, and pump me (not like that - I wish - though only if he respects me as a woman of course.) Anyway, where was I...? Oh yes - he wanted ideas on how to track down the grain and rescue his friend. Bit of a let down, but I suppose we do need to get Dad and my friends out of that prison.

 

**Day 2**

This morning I went on romantic date with the Hot Musketeer -  we found some spare sacks and were going to find a secluded corner to ~~get in them~~ examine them in, but - bit of a downer - one of my friends was already using the secluded corner for being dead in (inconsiderate cow). Tried not to kick the FAF One for his rather over-zealous description of how she died. She was my friend after all. Then the Red Guards came bursting in _again_ (don't they get the message - they're not welcome here - they're just not hot enough to compete with those Musketeers!) and some of them came on a bit strong. Fortunately me and the FAF one bonded over a good old fashioned sword fight. Think he was quite impressed with my excellent street fighting skillz. He looked very appreciative while he was watching me fighting a Red Guard up on the platform. Go me!

Then he took me back to his place again, where I found out that unfortunately Dad died in prison, which was a bit of a mood killer. And all I got was sympathetic looks from the FAF one and his pretty friends - not a single offer of a comforting ~~shag~~ cuddle. FML. Maybe I've misread this. Maybe he's just not that into me after all. Damn. Still, on the plus side, at least I get control over the leaflets now.

He got my hopes up again though after that – I thought we were having second attempt at romantic date in the evening- in a local pub this time, but Captain FAF brought his friends along, and chained me up outside. FFS, kinky sod. Still, his friends are fairly pretty too. Tried out the pretty beardy one while the other two went for a drink, but - meh. He's not all that. Though he did tell me that the FAF One used to be a Comte but had given up his titles and land. Fantastic - equality, fraternity, etc etc. He _is_ interested in the contents of my ~~knickers~~ leaflets after all. Got bored with the Pretty Beardy One after that, so I distracted him with a snog, pinched the keys and went for a walk. Bumped into an ex who only turned out to be a bastard Red Guard in disguise. Was going to shoot him, then another Red Guard did it instead. Bloody interfering men - I'm perfectly capable of shooting my own victims. Was v. cross about that, but the FAF One gave me a nice comforting cuddle afterwards, so I suppose it was ok on balance.

 

**Day 3**

Took the pretty beardy one to the mortuary with me, since he offered. I would have asked the FAF One, but on reflection thought I might get a bit overwrought and that snotting and blubbering all over him might not enhance my chances of winning his undying affection.

After it was all over, the FAF One (goes by the name of Athos apparently) dropped by again and I gave him a cheeky snog on his way out - in front of his friends - ha! Then I sashayed off to let him think about that one. My mates said he looked well confused before he swaggered off. I'm not chasing after him - I have my principles after all. He wants more than that he can work for it.

 

* * *

 

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 1

**Day 1**

What a day - D'Artagnan got caught up in a riot about stolen grain, so we had to find it before he got all upset about the unfairness of it all. FFS. Ended up in refugee camp looking for grain which clearly wasn't there while Aramis and Porthos stropped about complaining about pointless orders. I think they'll find the _I'm_ the Captain though. In the process of searching I came across a seditious leaflet and a rather feisty young lady. She pointed a gun at me and asked if I had any secrets. It was rather arousing - just like the good old days with Milady trying to kill me. Except this one didn't then snog my face off afterwards. Was faintly disappointed about that, but managed to conceal it. Was obliged to lecture her on sedition and treason and the dangers of using a gun without proper training whilst disarming her and trying out that Stare TM which Aramis says is so effective...

Took her back to the garrison to have another little chat about sedition and suchlike - she does bang on about this whole liberty/equality/better-life-for-everyone stuff though – Porthos got well grouchy with her (wonder if he fancies her). Quite an intriguing young lady though. One to keep an eye on.

 

**Day 2**

This morning I went back to the settlement – not specifically to see the Fiesty Female of course – it was entirely to help get the refugees off the hook with this whole grain thing – because that would really annoy Feron (who is being a right half-royal pain in the backside). But it was only polite to let her to help… and she even managed to find some of those missing sacks! Was a bit impressed, but also put out by that to be honest – I’m meant to be the clever CSI one. But then, with brilliant timing, we discovered that one of her friends had got herself killed overnight, so I got to impress her with my investigative CSI skills and described to her exactly how her friend had been murdered! Go me! She seemed somewhat underwhelmed though – tsk –  some people are _so_ hard to please. Still, then the Red Guards came round being all shouty yet again, so I used that as an excuse to drag her off to another secluded spot with our sacks – genius! Not, of course that it was done with any ulterior motives – I was just trying to keep her out of harm’s way (being a gentleman and all). Didn’t work anyway, the Red Guards followed us (perves), so I tried to impress her with my ultra-skillful swordplay. Turns out she's quite handy with a sword as well - and her knee. Must make a note to keep on her good side. Also got somewhat distracted while she was fighting on the platform above me - checked to see how she was getting on and realised I could pretty much see right up her skirt. I tried to hop up onto the platform for a better look and accidently stabbed a Red Guard who was up there - bonus! Feisty Female seemed quite grateful for the help, so I thought it would be ~~unwise~~ ungentlemanly to admit what I was really up to, or take advantage, so took her back to the garrison with me (for her own protection, obviously). Unfortunately while we were there, she found out that her father died in D'Artagnan's arms in the prison - D'Artagnan did apologise, and I directed my best 'concerned' look at her, though she didn't seem very appreciative. Pfft. Women. Tonight we'll have to try and locate the stray refugee. Best start by looking in a pub I think - seems like a good plan to me.

Oh FML - why do I even bother? What was I thinking? Turned out we'd picked one of those old fashioned 'Men Only' pubs to visit, so had to leave the Feisty Female chained up outside with Aramis for company so she wouldn’t get too bored. (Felt quite discombobulated restraining her like that so headed rapidly off for a stiff drink.) Well anyway, while D'Artagnan was snarling at the other drinkers, Aramis only let her sweet talk her way out of the chains _and_ pinch his weapon for good measure - dozy idiot. Of course she comes barging into the pub raging about some two-timing refugee who turned out to be a Red Guard and threatened to shoot him with Aramis' pistol - only for Marcheaux (slimy bastard) to shoot him before we could use him as evidence, claiming that this was a 'Men only' establishment and the dead guard had broken the rules by bringing the Feisty Female along with him. FML. Then I had to stop her shooting Marcheaux by holding her tight in my arms. Possibly for slightly longer than was completely necessary... Erm.... yes. Was quite stimulating actually - kept thinking about having her tied up in those chains as well. Very distracting. Anyway, it was all very annoying about Marcheaux murdering our evidence. But, at least we had proof that it wasn't the refugees who half-inched the grain now.

 

**Day 3**

This morning, I got to feel smug and superior whilst sorting stuff out at the Palace and annoying Governor Feron. (Note to self: Porthos’s hunch is likely to be literal if he insists on carrying two sacks of grain at a time like that – must sign him up for the next available Health and Safety 'Manual Handling' course.)

In the meantime, the Feisty Female took Aramis on a date by way of an apology for making him look stupid (not that _that_ takes much) Was strangely disappointed she didn't ask me - I have a history of taking dates to the mortuary after all - I'm sure I could have pulled that one off ok. Oh well. His Stare (patent pending) has obviously worked its usual magic. Bastard. Bet Porthos won't be impressed either.

Finally went to tell the Feisty Female (goes by the name of Sylvie apparently) that all is well re. the grain theft and the refugees are definitely off the hook. Suggested that she could move somewhere more salubrious but she seems fairly keen to stay put. Then much to my astonishment she pounced on me - in front of the others, and snogged my face off. WTF? Hmmm… Was quite pleasant actually. Go me! I thought she liked Aramis though? Thank God the others couldn't see my face - #Confused. Still, I realised they were watching in time and swaggered my way back to them looking suitably smug. They were quite obviously hugely jealous of my pulling power. Result! Being Captain def. has benefits.


	2. Episode 3 - Brothers in Arms: A week or so later...

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 2

Day 1

Was at Christophe's pub trying to find a venue for my socially aware self-improvement group to meet, when guess who walked in and gave me the eye!!! Vaire excited. My friends Christophe and Josephine were all like: "He is _so_ into you" and "Yeah - he, like, really fancies you!" Unfortunately he was escorting some idiot noble called New York - or was it New Orleans? Oh well - whoever. He said he'd been robbed and proceeded to kill some of the patrons during his ensuing hissy fit, and Athos and his friends had to stop the others killing said idiot noble because it turned out he was the King's brother. So that put rather a dampener on things. I stuck up for him though and told Christophe that he was alright - Athos didn't even thank me - ungrateful sod, just stood there looking all commanding. Gosh. Bastard though.

Then later he sent his pretty friends round to see if _I_ knew who'd robbed NewYork/Orleans. Or at least, that's why they _said_ they were there. I reckon he'd sent them to check me out and see if I fancied him. Anyway, the pretty beardy one tried to flirt with me, so I gave them a lecture on getting their priorities right and being socially aware, then sent them packing.

Day 2

Next thing I know Athos has rocked up at the funeral to see me, which is a pretty inappropriate place for a date if you ask me. But he didn't get far because the Red Guards turned up ( _AGAIN!_ ) and his pretty beardy friend got all shouty and masterful, AND his boss did as well. I may have to reconsider my opinion about how FAF his friends are, since Athos didn't even bother being in the slightest bit supportive or following me when I stropped off after Christoph blamed me for the whole thing. Insensitive, self-centred git.

Was busy being all revolutionary in our slums when I heard that Athos and Christophe had made up and were now bezzies, but having a bit of bother with Red Guards AGAIN! So me and some friends had to come to his rescue, which gave him another chance to admire my sword skills and knee work. Plus he gave me a vaire appreciative look for coming to his rescue. Unfortunately my friend Josephine got shot and died. So that rather killed the atmosphere. Am starting to wonder if I'll ever get anywhere with this guy - fate keeps intervening in the shape of Red Guards and dead people. FFS Fate, get a grip would you?

So, I'm ashamed to say that _I_ buckled in the end and went to the garrison to see him for some provocative flirting in front of his men. Then I sashayed off again without letting him have a kiss. That'll teach him to play hard to get. Ha!

 

* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 2

Day 1

Had to escort king's twattish brother Orleans back to the palace today. Ended up stopping for swift half in the pub - had a double-take/OMG moment when saw Sylvie there, but was sadly working and it was most inappropriate to chat her up whilst on escort duty. Or perhaps that was a good thing. Wasn't quite sure what to say since last time I saw her she snogged me and then I didn't quite get round to calling by to see her again. Hmm... Oh well. Ended up trying to prevent full scale riot caused by Orleans, but Sylvie is obviously in with the landlord because he put down his gun when she told him to (will file that one away for later – good source of cheap drinks maybe?) Unfortunately I was too busy being masterful and _In Charge_ to thank her. Sure she won't mind though.

Treville is mega-pissed off too about Orleans being back. Says I need to tell him everything. Wonder what he thinks about my plan to ask Aramis and D'Artagnan to find out if Sylvie is free for a date on Saturday night?

Kingy is in a mega strop – says we need to find out who robbed Orleans and never mind about the dead war veterans. Bugger. Have sent Aramis and D'Artagnan to ask Sylvie if she knows anything. Nearly asked them to find out if she's free on Saturday night, but... well… best not probably. They'd just take the piss. Landlord is still in a strop too. But the thief left a note to say they'll hand themselves in after the funeral. Result!

Day 2

OMG – she was at the funeral too. Not at all awkward... Had to make effort to act cool. Put my best 'serious' face on and managed not do the embarrassing double-take reaction again. Pfft. Then Aramis stepped in and took over the service - monkish tendencies coming to the fore. Show-off. Still – was good PR for us: 'Musketeers for the people' and all that. So all was going swimmingly (well as much as possible given that it was the funeral of three war veterans murdered by the King's brother who refuses to apologise). But then - WTAF Marcheaux? FML. He came storming in and we ended up with another dead veteran and an overly emotional landlord on the warpath, Treville arrived and saved the day by doing the shouty thing at Marcheaux (Yay!) but Sylvie vamoosed before I had a chance to ask her about Saturday. Arse. FML.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! FML utter cock-up. Ended up with Treville and Porthos being held hostage at the pub (admittedly there are worse places to be held in), the rescue mission failed and the Red Guard bastards started taking potshots at us too. We ended up with Stockholm Syndrome: holed up in the pub (silver lining) with the landlord and veterans, bonding over our shared loathing of the Red Guards and mutual appreciation of wine. Then we ran out of ammunition and there was only one thing for it - Aramis and Porthos had a slightly tearful moment of bromance, then we leapt heroically over the barricades and hoped Marcheaux would decide to stop shooting and tell the Red Guards to use their swords instead.

Result! Marcheaux did randomly stop shooting at us (can tell he's never been to a proper war - idiot), and then Connie and Sylvie turned up with reinforcements to rescue us. Slightly embarrassing to need rescuing, but most welcome – and I got to admire Sylvie in action again. Gosh. Was going to ask Sylvie about Saturday night, but then her friend had a tragic deathbed scene so it seemed slightly inappropriate. I used my best 'concerned' face again - I think it went down well last time after all.

Was working off frustrations in the garrison with Aramis, getting all hot and sweaty.... and who should turn up by Sylvie. Aramis was all "Oh, she's here to see me". Smug git. Mortuary dates don't always do the trick you know. So I threw him up against the stairs and… Result! - She'd come to see me. Ha! Being Captain is vaire cool. Aramis accepted defeat with relative good grace and then - WTAF? She flirted outrageously with me in front of _everyone_ and then said she probably shouldn't snog me in public - I said she could, but she just sauntered off again looking smug. FML. Mind you - she is _so_ up for Saturday night. Will ask Aramis if I can borrow his aftershave...


	3. Episode 4 - The Queens Diamonds: Another week or so later...

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 3

**Day 1**

Yes!!!!! Action at last. Admittedly it was peeing down when I went to the garrison, but it did mean Athos got soaked and his shirt clung to him in a most attractive manner. Got a well hot snog off him before his sodding friends dragged him off to the toilet. Or it might have been to the Louvre. Not entirely sure. He was most apologetic and it was quite funny really. If a tad frustrating.

**Day 2**

This afternoon I did a Speech all about emancipation and social enlightenment, then some creepy guy offered me money and told me that Athos is off getting diamonds. Gosh! That's a bit fast. And how does he know my ring size? Still – result! Told the creepy guy he could stuff his money - I won't need that if Athos is going to propose!

Went to see Athos afterwards and invited him to the "Empowering yourself' talk that I'm giving tonight. The utter sod only said it was 'inappropriate' and that he'd rather stay home and drink wine!! Tried to give him the benefit of the doubt - thought perhaps that he wanted me to come in so he could propose in private with a glass of fizz, so I asked about the diamonds and he just started looking pained and wittered on about 'chasing thieves'. FFS. Apparently he's more interested in the contents of my knickers than my brain, and did the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing. Well he can FRO then. I am an independent empowered woman and I don't need that sort of shit. I might have cried on my way home though. Bastard. So much for liberty, fraternity, and getting me diamonds. Git. I’m better off without him. Fact.

 

* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 3

**Day 1**

Finally - managed to get Sylvie to come over for a hot date, and she was well up for it - before D'Artagnan interrupted. FFS. I thought he was housetrained? Though Aramis says that he said we needed to go to the Louvre - not that he needed the toilet. FFS. Porthos gave me a right look as well. Jealous, obviously. Had to apologise to Sylvie and go off to see the King in a somewhat unfortunate/uncomfortable state while Sylvie just laughed at me. Cow. I'm so going to get my own back later.

Turns out that Kingy's sister has come for a visit and lost her jewellery. <le sigh> So muggins here and the others are off on a diamond hunt. Fortunately we rapidly bumped into a blast from the past and went on a grand tour of jewel buyers with Bonnaire, who wasn’t overjoyed to see us and apparently isn’t rotting in a Spanish Jail after all (Porthos was v. cross about that. Come to think about it, Porthos is very cross about a lot of things these days. Must try a motivational speech at some point - see if that helps. Or just get him drunk and give him a melon to play with. Though that didn't work out so well last time.) Anyway, I digress.

We found all but one of the jewels of course <smug> and we know where the last one is - will fetch that tomorrow. So all-in-all we did ok. Except by the time I caught up with Sylvie to resume our interrupted songfest, she was banging on about equality and liberty again - and wittering about diamonds? WTAF? FFS - I just want to have a smoke and a drink. And a snog. And a bit more than that to be honest. But no - she wants to be respected as a person and wants us to get to know each other, etc etc, and frankly after a day of dealing with Bonnaire and Kingy and his loon of a sister, and putting up with D'Artagnan being all smug about his previously unmentioned horse whispering skills, I really couldn't be arsed with all that. So she stropped off in a right huff. FML. Maybe I should have said I'd go to her meeting and then just cried off at the last minute. Oh well. Chalk that one down to experience because I don't fancy my chances with her now. In retrospect I probably could have been more tactful. Arse. I blame Aramis – all this 'treat them mean, ~~get them killed~~ keep them keen' nonsense. Bet he gave me bad advice on purpose. Bastard. He's just annoyed with me because Sylvie snogged me. I’ll ask D'Artagnan for advice next time – he's got Constance so he must have _some_ idea about how to keep women happy and not make them try to kill you. FML. I need a drink. Wonder if that Dutch financier has anything I can put in my pipe…

**Day 2**

Headed off to find the missing jewel. Turns out it was with one of Aramis' many 'women-from-his-past'. He wasn't very helpful about it - think he was a bit arsey because we stopped the wedding - he was going to be chief bridesmaid – or something. Whatever. Final thrill of the day was rummaging around in a mass burial pit for some money. JFC do we not have cadets for this shit? FFS. Still could be worse - I could be in a meeting about equality/fraternity/liberty. Narrow escape there I think. Off drinking with the lads tonight - excellent.


	4. Episode 5 - To Play the King: Some more time later...

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 4 

Today our revolutionary meeting got interrupted by a prison break. I was about to educate them on the Rights of Man, when Athos and his friends came by. I did my best to blank him for not proposing (and being an idiot in general) - pretended not to know him and told him to go away, so he pretended not to know me either and was quite masterful about it. (God he's FAF - it was rather arousing, especially when he grabbed my chin and stared into my eyes in a commanding way. Oof! He's still an insensitive git though.) Then he and his friends had a big fight with the prisoners (who only wanted food and enlightenment) and once again, I had to come to his rescue because this time he was being garrotted - these Musketeers don't seem to be very good at getting out of trouble by themselves. Then his large grouchy friend told me off for not having burned my father's papers - I think he'll find that _I'm_ the literary executor round here, and there's jolly good precedent for not burning private papers after peoples' deaths. Even if it was their last instruction to you. To my surprise Athos told his big grouchy friend to stop banging on about it! Maybe he's trying to make up for being a bastard after all.

Anyway his friends left and we exchanged meaningful looks before his turned into one of those insufferable 'Really? I'm so disappointed in you' looks and he strode purposefully off. Well - I wasn't letting him have the last ~~word~~ look. So I went after him and I told him that the prisoners were just down on their luck and not dangerous while he made stupid 'not my decision' and 'just following orders' type replies. So I hit him with the 'All men are equal' argument and asked him what _he_ wanted, and he stropped off again. He is _so_ unenlightened and clearly doesn't care at all about liberty and fraternity. Or me. Obviously he is entirely shallow and has never been forced to confront the injustices of life before - and he doesn't like being called on it either. I am definitely not going to snog him again. Ever. Even if he is the FAFest of the FAF.

I spent the afternoon doing laundry, and absolutely not mentally re-living that rain-soaked snog we had at his place, and it definitely doesn't bother me in the slightest that he turned out to be an utterly FAF but completely unenlightened twatbadger. So he can definitely FRO. For sure. I wouldn't be interested now if he turned up on my doorstep and begged for forgiveness.

Well - you'll never guess: I came back to find him on my doorstep looking all tortured. He didn't say anything - just gazed at me in a meaningful way. But using my feminine intuition I realised that he's really sorry for being a prat, and _does_ think that all men (and women) are equal and I'm _completely_ right about _everything_ after all. So I let him snog me after all. Result!

 

* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 4

FML - sodding useless Red Guards. They couldn't put a blind beggar in the stocks, never mind deal with a prison riot. On the plus side, some of the escapees headed for the refugee settlement - excellent excuse to _accidentally_ bump into Sylvie whilst trying to root them out.

Ooops, turns out that refugees were actually in with Sylvie. Clever girl alerted us by pretending not to know us. I played along and got to be all masterful and whisk her away from danger. Was sure that she'd meet me for a drink after that! Or not. Dear God she just started banging on about social justice and liberty again. D'Artagnan's and Porthos' eyes were rolling out of their sockets and they stropped off with the prisoners because I told them that Sylvie def. didn't arrange the prison breakout just to get a bigger audience at her motivational talks. Which I thought was very supportive and generous of me. But then she just glared at me for disagreeing that the prisoners might have been in prison for a reason. So then so I tried Aramis' StareTM, and that didn't work, and... FFS. I gave up and left. But she followed me out and carried on demanding that I consider that the prisoners might not be dangerous or even deserve to be in prison. Argh! Why TAF did Aramis tell her that I gave up my land and title? (I'm going to have words with him) now she seems to think that means I'm deeply into this whole 'liberty/fraternity' stuff that’s doing the rounds. Soon put her straight on that. Told her that I just couldn't be arsed with the hassle of it all (didn’t mention the whole 'I hung my wife and, on reflection, that might have been an overreaction' thing). Then she started on asking me what I wanted from _my_ life. FFS. By that point - wine. I wanted wine. Or a nice armagnac. Or a shag actually. NOT introspection and social enlightenment. FML. Not going to go and see her again, it makes my head hurt. Never again. Staying well clear. Aramis is welcome to her. Or Porthos. Just not me. FFS. Bloody woman. I don't _want_ to be socially enlightened. I want a quiet life and lots of alcohol, and Red Guards to beat up and laugh at.

So after all that ear-bashing, we had to sort out the prison break, stop the gold reserves being pilfered, deal with a mad loon who thought he was King, and watch Aramis and the Queen rolling about on the ground together. FML - just shoot me now would you? Kingy was less than grateful for our efforts and D'Artagnan was a complete wet blanket when we got back to the garrison - drinking wine, getting maudlin and demanding to know why it felt we were 'fighting for the wrong side'. FML – he’s as bad as Sylvie… At which point I figured that if someone was going to make me question my life choices and demand that I have a social conscience then it might as well be someone I didn't mind snogging, so I hot-footed it back to Sylvie's. Unfortunately when I got there I had no idea of what to say so had to settle for looking confused and tortured. Fortunately this did the trick and she let me pounce on her without decking me. Result!

Wonder if she’s got any wine?


	5. Episode 6 - Death of a Hero: Yet more time passes...

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 5

 Bastard! Utter Bastard. It all started off very nicely - some fun role playing - kept him tied up for a while last night to get my own back for that whole 'chained up outside the pub' thing. Though he seemed to rather enjoy it... For that matter, it was quite enjoyable for me too - after all, I am an assertive independent woman, and am in control of my own sexuality. Yep. For sure.

So having tied him up to ~~make sure he didn't do a runner~~ get my own back, now I can't get rid of him. Turns out he's a ~~horny~~ lazy sod though - never wants to get out of bed. Still, nice to know that I'm an irresistible sex goddess as well as a liberated, independent woman. Left Captain Lazybones in bed to go and get our breakfast, and who should I see but that creepy guy who offered me money. Was going to say 'good morning', but he just pushed straight past and blanked me - how rude! He obviously doesn't know about liberty and equality for all - let alone politeness to one's fellow citizens. Found out why though - he's obviously jealous of Athos, what with my new sex goddess status and all, because I came back to find him beating up the FAF One. Well he can FRO with that idea - if anyone gets to play kinky S &M games with the FAF One, it's me. So, I shot the creepy guy - twice (go me!) dusted down Athos (still FAF even when coated in bloody and dirt - oh yes, very much so...) and packed him off to do his duty at the Garrison. I had some important liberty/fraternity stuff to be getting one with anyway. Was slightly perturbed about the apparent bulletproof abilities of the Creep, and Athos obvs. knows nothing about guns after all because my second shot didn't 'go straight through him from that range'. Pfft. Men. What do they know, eh?

So, I spent the day as usual, and then met up with Athos for a romantic evening walk on a bridge - nice parapet, just the right height for leaning suggestively on - thought he might even be going to propose... and WTAF?!!! Fuckwit! The utter twatbadger. I let him out of my ~~bed~~ sight for less than 12 hours, and he's pulling the whole 'It's not you it's me' thing yet again! And after I stopped him from being garrotted this morning - how's that for gratitude? Bastard. Did he _want_ to be garrotted - is that Creep actually his boyfriend and that fight really was some S &M role play thing that I misread and interrupted. WTAF?!!! Bastard. And what about my needs as a woman now I've discovered my inner Sex Goddess? FFS - will I have to downgrade to the pretty beardy one? I hear he's usually up for it... FML. Well Athos is not the only one with 'Duties' - I need to educate my fellow citizens - that will teach him. Twat. He can FTFO. 

* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 5

Oof - that Sylvie is a right handful - Feisty Female indeed. And def. likes being in charge. Bit bossy though - waking me up and rabbiting on about my 'duties' and 'King and country' stuff - that's my line, surely? Still, at least she knows her place - went to fetch my breakfast while I lounged about in bed. Unfortunately, before she got back I ended up in a big fight with some Stalker who was in a right strop about something. Was sure I recognised him - not one of _my_ ex's - maybe one of hers? He was very cross anyway and I was embarrassingly close to losing due to his ungentlemanly tactics of hitting me over the head with a bottle/shoving me off the balcony/battering me with a shovel/garrotting me with a chain. Fortunately Sylvie came back and used him for target practise - albeit rather badly because she had two shots and he still escaped. (Note to self - sign Sylvie up for remedial target practise - though maybe not with Aramis).

Ended up back at the garrison with Constance mopping up the blood and Treville looking very grouchy that the others had gone off to a dubious al fresco picnic with old army contacts. So much for 'Acting like the Captain' and not going off on adventures, I'll have to go and fetch them back in case it's an ambush arranged by the Stalker. Treville has invited himself along as well - obviously doesn't want to miss the cucumber sarnies.

All headed off for a hard ride <not like that>, with Treville making pointed comments about me being caught unarmed and unaware. Obviously just jealous because he's not getting any action. And apparently comments have been made about the amount of time I'm spending tied up elsewere. Bet that was Aramis - he's still jealous too. Anyway, got to the picnic - it appears the Gunpowder BBQ was ahead of its time and exploded, bringing the roof down on the gazebo and any food that was going spare. On the plus side we dug out Porthos and D'Artagnan, who were a bit dusty but otherwise remarkably unharmed for being buried under all the rubble - though weirdly babbling on about refusing to diet? (odd) Concussion I assume... Was a bit alarmed at the lack of Aramis, but apparently he's off on a male bonding trip with the King - not at all sure that was a good plan. And that also got Treville in a tizz - he was still grouchy about the lack of food and said we had to return immediately because Aramis and the King were bound to have cheese sarnies going spare. Plus he muttered something about an escaped waiter: 'Garcon is on the loose' or something - no idea what that was about - can't even blame that on concussion. So on the basis of humouring him, we tracked down Aramis and the King, who _didn't_ have any food (FML - why did we bother?) but they were having a game of Death by Hide and Seek with the Stalker and his friends, which we joined in. Treville, of course, got ultra-competitive and took over (I think he'll find _I'm_ Captain now), but the Stalker got away due to his Deflecting Buckle of Bulletproofness and invisibility cloak (Might need to sign myself up for remedial target practise as well).

We never did find where the Stalker was hiding, but we'll take that game as a 'win' since no-one fancied telling Kingy that he'd technically lost - the temper tantrum would have been monumental. And on the plus side, his Half-Royal Pain in the Arse Feron was the victim of a fatal disagreement with the Stalker - fantastic! On the down side, Kingy went on and on and on eulogising about how wonderful Feron was. We might have rolled our eyes just a teensy bit, but discretion is the better part of valour and all that, so we nodded and agreed. Or at least, didn't disagree. Not out loud.

We all ended up back at Treville's office for refreshments - mostly alcohol, it has to be said - result! Where I found out that Minister WeMustTellEachOtherEverything had omitted to mention that Kingy is going to pop his clogs shortly, which means that his brother has absconded from the Bastille with the Stalker in order to sit his 'Treason: 101' exams (aka 'How-to-Depose-your-Nephew-and-be-King'). FFS, what a bloody farce. And honestly, he needn't have bothered - blabbermouth Aramis would have disinherited the Dauphin at the drop of a hat if he'd been asked. Was a little bit grouchy about it all and ~~left in a huff~~ strode purposefully out to do important Captaining stuff (I also cancelled the food order on my way out - serves Treville right).

Of course, this all means that I have to save the day and shit, because no other sod is going to, so can't be doing with the distraction that the Feisty Female causes, and popped round this evening to dump her. Parroted her 'Duty to King and Country' speech from this morning back at her, and all of a sudden she disagrees with it and says I have the right to a private life and... something? I rather zoned out I'm afraid - suspected that liberty and fraternity were about to get an airing and lost the will to live. Bit of a shame - was getting rather fond of her. But still, at least I'll have more time to go drinking with the boys now. Bonus. And might even get to work on time in the mornings.


	6. Episode 7 - Fools Gold: 2 days later

* * *

##  Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 6 ...

Went to the Garrison today to pass on useful info about the Creep (apparently known as Grimaud). After all, it's the duty of all concerned and responsible citizens to help catch criminals. It especially didn't occur to me at all that if Grimaud is caught then Athos might be less angsty and consider coming round for more ~~sex~~ meaningful conversations about the penetration depth of bullets and Freedom/Equality/Justice For All.

His rather attractive friends all looked quite impressed with my investigative skills and superior knowledge of the criminal underclass, and mooched off nodding thoughtfully. This left me and Athos to exchange meaningful looks: he just stood there refusing to make eye contact, looking confused and tortured _again_ but saying nothing _again_ (Ha! I'm not falling for that one twice though). And he didn’t even thank me for the hint on finding Grimaud. So I put on my best 'I am very disappointed in you' look and left the emotionally constipated fuckwit to stew. Am really v. disappointed in him though...

Still – onwards! Need to write my next motivational talk for the women’s group, all about self worth and how we are valuable human beings in our own right, and don’t need men to validate our existence. Too right. I should also work in something about how women are emotionally intelligent and thus quite capable of maintaining a civil relationship with their ex. - based purely on platonic friendship and mutual respect of course, not because you want to see them and are secretly hoping that they might fall at your feet and beg for forgiveness for being fuckwits

* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 6 ...

**Day 1**

V. grouchy today – back hurts, arm hurts, head hurts. FML. Not missing Sylvie though. Definitely not. Can concentrate on being Captain again now instead of lolling about in bed having lots of ~~sex~~ meaningful conversations that made my head hurt.

Though actually, I couldn’t be arsed with Captaining this morning - too much effort. So I let d’Artagnan take the lead on interrogating the Stalker’s Minion. (The Stalker goes by the name of Grimaud.) d'Artagnan was surprisingly commanding, and went for the option of role-playing 'William Tell' with the cadets, plus a side order of Aramis and Porthos playing Good Cop/Bad Cop. Which was very restrained I thought, especially after his picnic with Porthos was ruined (and I bet Constance gave him an earful about the state of his uniform afterwards). The Minion was mostly useless, and _very_ obnoxious, so I thumped him at the end once d'Artagnan finished not killing him. Which hurt my arm even more. FML. Still, am struggling manfully on - I _am_ the Captain after all.

Was discussing venues for a male bonding/camping trip with the boys when who should turn up but Sylvie. Think she was hoping for an invite, but I played it cool and made sure she knew that I’m Not Missing Her at all. I _definitely_ wasn't looking at her cleavage through the gap in her blouse. I was just avoiding eye contact so as to not lead her on. That's all. She gave us some hints on good campsites and picnic spots, then went off looking like a kicked puppy. Am absolutely not feeling at all conflicted though - it's for the Good of France after all. I can't be distracted from being Captain, and I definitely don't miss all that distracting ~~sex~~ conversation about my life choices and priorities.

Anyway, off on the camping trip with the boys. d’Artagnan and Porthos immediately managed to get themselves tangled up with some local girl guides who were out trying to earn their 'Advanced Camping' and 'Survival' badges. Aramis tried some highly inappropriate humour about how he’s already got his 'Pinoneer Activity' badge for imaginative use of ropes (and nearly got his leg taken off for his pains) so of course it was left to yours truly to make placatory comments about equality and supporting women’s rights and Not Being Like Other Men (some of Sylvie’s witterings turned out to be helpful at least. Not that I miss her at all. Nope.) 

Eventually they agreed to let us have a pitch in the corner of their site. Which, on reflection might have been a mistake. Campsite full of women... and Aramis. FML, if Constance is complaining about the food bill at the Garrison, just wait until the maintenance demands arrive because Aramis has got them all pregnant. FFS. Even Porthos was making eyes at one of them, but she was already pregnant so at least the Garrison won't be billed for that one. Anyway, they still weren’t very welcoming, though they did eventually provide some ale and stew to go with our campfire (one of them was earning their 'Outdoor Cooking' badge apparently). No-one volunteered to earn their First Aid badge sorting out my injuries though. Pfft. So much for promising 'to help other people'.

**Day 2**

d’Artagnan discovered that one of the guides was really a scout, who had infiltrated their company from a nearby camp. I'd had enough of the ~~unwelcoming harpies~~ girl guides by then, so left Aramis and Porthos to ~~get them pregnant~~ sort that out, and went for a ride to look for the picnic spot that Sylvie mentioned. Managed to fall off Roger while contemplating the gap in Sylvie's blouse (oops) and had to lurch through the woods using my sword as crutch. On the plus side, I did find Grimaud’s holiday cottage (not very salubrious - a bit run down and cobwebby to be honest). On the down side, I got locked in the cottage by an Aged Crone – all very Hansel and Gretel. Fortunately the door was no match for my cunning plan of simply throwing a bench at it, so I got out without much bother. The Aged Crone turned out to be the Guide Leader (WTAF? They might want to review how thorough their background checks are before appointing their leaders.) And also was Grimaud’s No.1 fan, and didn’t appreciate me saying he should have been drowned at birth. She whacked me over the head then got a bit stabby because I sat on her - jabbed me with a poisoned spindle. FFS, I am NOT role-playing Sleeping Beauty as well as Hansel and Gretel. She needs to make her mind up which fairy tale she wants to be in. Actually it reminded me of Milady (happy days...) though fortunately the Crone hadn't been to the same poison shop, since all I got was a case of delirium and the shakes, not foaming at the mouth and imminent death. Eventually the boys turned up and carted me back to the campsite where I got tucked up in a bed for the night. Had most peculiar dreams which involved Grimaud alternately lurking and stalking about, and Sylvie looking concerned and alluring, and traipsing about in a floaty nightdress.

**Day 3**

Woke up feeling much perkier – think they sorted out my back while I was asleep too. Got nice cuddles from the boys as well. Aww. Though Aramis made snide comments about my dreams. Obviously _still_ jealous re. Sylvie, even though I dumped her to concentrate on captaining, and am not missing her in the slightest - despite what my subconscious might think.

The girl guides turned out to be involved in some sort of ongoing feud with the local boy scouts – raiding each other’s campsites and such like. Very juvenile. So we helped sort that out while Porthos tried to earn his 'Midwifery' badge. Think he did ok, but his patient said he was probably more use in general as a musketeer. Anyway, back off to Paris, without Grimaud, but with an assortment of surviving scouts in tow who were earning their 'Being A Prisoner' badges. If nothing else, they might stop Roger doing another runner.

Wonder if Sylvie will drop by the garrison again when we're back... ~~she's much hotter than those girl guides~~ she might have some helpful ideas about where Grimaud will have gone next. Not that I miss her, but I would be neglecting my duty as Captain if I didn't explore all potential leads.


	7. Episode 8 - Prisoners of War

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 7...

Whooo-hoo!!! Constance came round with some food, and then, it turns out that she and the Queen are, like, BFF, and she's going to sponsor some educational materials! We get to use a printing press and everything! Go us! This is fab!!! Wonder if Athos had anything to do with it. Nearly asked Constance to pass a message to him, but that would be compromising my principles as an enlightened, independent young woman, who does not need emotional fuckwits in her life. Definitely not - not even if they're utter dreamboats.

Had just sent out the first batch of alphabets to my fellow citizens when some posh woman arrived and said that she wanted manuscripts printing, and asked where my 'Master' was! WTAF? She obviously needs some help with understanding that we, as women, don't need 'masters' to have fulfilled and meaningful lives. We do not have to be reliant on men, we are perfectly capable of taking control of our own destiny. Will invite her to the next 'Women's Issues' talk to broaden her horizons and help her explore the options in life that are open to us, other than servitude to the patriarchal society that currently oppresses us. Too right.

Unfortunately, it turned out later that some bastard had been printing salacious leaflets at the same time as my alphabets went out, and yours truly got the blame for it. Red Guards obviously just loved that idea and bought into it completely - Marcheaux also tried to make me blame Constance for the leaflets. As if I would, the sadistic slime bag. He can FTFO. Vive la sisterhood! Liberty, equality, fraternity, ow! OwOwOwOwOwOw!!!!! Bugger that hurt. To be honest, I felt that he was taking the bondage theme a bit far really. Fortunately he stopped when Athos turned up, yelling 'To hell with the Law' (which was a somewhat unexpected declaration, what with him being Captain and all - hope he doesn't get into trouble for that.) And then he untied me so I could collapse into his arms. Result! My back is still v. ouchy, but it might just be worth it for getting this much attention from him. (Obviously I am still an independent woman and all, but it's a sign of emotional maturity and intelligence to know when to accept someone's offer of help - even when it comes in the form of your repressed fuckwit of an ex.) 

Then he took me back to his place and said he'd 'always be here.' Erm - well these are his rooms, so yes, I expect he will usually be here. Oh....! Maybe he meant he'd always look after me! Aaaaaaaaaaaawww. Bless. Maybe he isn't a completely emotionally constipated fuckwit after all. Gosh. He's going to look after me? Think I might be a teensy bit loved up. Hmmmm. Must remember, am an independent woman, and I don't need a man to make me happy and fulfilled. He's v. lush though - FAF in fact. And he does a really convincing 'concerned and worried' look. Hmmm. Principles can go on hold until my back is better I think. You should always keep your options open, after all.

  


* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 7...

Oh FFS Aramis. Had a v. tedious start to the day with Treville doing his best 'disapproving' face at me because Aramis is AWOL again. I said I'd deal with him later, but frankly, as long as he's not sleeping with the Queen again, I'm not overly bothered. It turned out that Treville had called us in because Kingy was having a game of hide and seek in the gardens (though fortunately not the Extreme version that he was playing with Grimaud last time). Treville was completely stumped, and of course he hates losing, so he wanted us on his team as reinforcements to help him win. Wonderful. It's a delight to have our highly skilled marksmanship and swordfighting skills put to such good use. FFS. To add to the delight, when we found him, Kingy was absolutely off his face on something and wittering on about how beautiful my ex is. FML - thanks for that your Majesty. Though on the plus side he didn't winge too much about losing when we shovelled him back off to bed.

Next on my list of happy events for the day... it emerged that Aramis has been passing secret messages for the Queen (I'm going to kill Aramis if someone else doesn't beat me to it), and this seemed to have irritated the Spanish so much that they wrote to say they were keeping Aramis until they got their exchange students back. FFS. Porthos and d'Artagnan had only just delivered them to the Red Guards for their tour of the Châtelet. We went to pick them up again, only to find that Marcheaux (incompetent idiot) had brought forward his 'Practical Demonstration of the French Justice System' session, so we had to extract the Spaniards from a crowd baying for blood, and also ended up with d'Artagnan's cousin in tow. WTF? I think he'll find that _I'm_ Captain, so it's _my_ job to decide who we liberate from the Red Guards. Little sod then had the cheek to compare _not_ rescuing his cousin with me hanging my ex. FFS. We don't talk about That and he knows it - it's latrines duty for him once we've sorted out this mess out. That'll teach him. (And WhyTAF is everyone wittering on about my ex. today? Most peculiar. It's not like we're ever going to see her again.)

Took the exchange students on a camping trip prior to returning them to Spain, found a nice scenic picnic spot, and d'Artagnan went hunting for rabbits with his cousin. Well - he only stumbled across Aramis being held hostage by Grimaud - FML - I thought _he'd_ sodded off for a bit. Obviously not. Arse. So the whole 'give us back our students or we're keeping Aramis' thing was actually just Grimaud - though WTAF would he want with a bunch of Spanish students? Nothing good I suspect. Anyway, apparently Aramis has been feeling a bit left out of the whole bondage theme that's been going on, and decided to get a piece of action himself. Except of course rope isn't good enough for him - oh no. He needs chains. Bloody drama queen. Got Aramis back anyway, but Grimaud got away yet again, FFS. Either he has some wierd bulletproofness thing going on, or we all need some remedial target practise. Aramis then went on a whole rant about the evils of war - like we hadn't noticed, and had the cheek to suggest that _I_ was obsessed with Grimaud. I think he'll find that _he_ was the one playing kinky 'tie me up' games with Grimaud, not me. (I don't do that sort of thing any more anyway. Not that I miss Sylvie. Not ~~very much anyway~~ at all. Nope.) The others suggested going after him, but _I'm_ the Captain and I decided that we should go back to Paris and drink lots of wine with the exchange students instead.

Put in a wine order, then stomped up to my office with an apple to chomp on while we waited for the take-out to be delivered, and - WTAF? The ex was back. OMG... There she was, just sitting in my office bold as brass. You could have knocked me down with a feather, and I dropped my apple from the sheer ~~sight of her cleavage... gosh~~ shock of it all. Was hugely conflicted about her ~~cleavage~~ being back until she snogged me. Then I had this massive epiphany and realised that Sylvie does light bondage so much better, and never makes you worry that she might actually really be going to kill you (and I _have_ actually rather missed her, if I'm being completely honest). The ex was _hugely_ pissed off and let on that she knew about me and Sylvie - which sent me into a bit of panic, since I never did tell her the whole "I-hung-my-wife-but-she-didn't-die-and-became-the-Cardinal's-assassin-instead-and-then-the-King's-Mistress-and-I-pined-over-her-for-years-but-am-100%-over-her-now-honest" story. Shot off to find Sylvie to try and do some damage limitation, only to find she'd been arrested by the Red Guards for printing some dodgy pictures, which seems highly unlikely unless she's produced a saucy illustrated alphabet (now there's a thought...) Anyway, so I still had no idea what the ex. told Sylvie, or if she was the one who framed Sylvie for the dodgy leaflets. In retrospect I should possibly have hung about a bit longer and got a full update from the ex. instead of trying to strangle her (again) and then shooting off. Oops.

After we'd rescued the Queen from a mob, who were waving the leaflets about and seemed to think that anything in print is automatically true (credulous idiots), we went to see Kingy who was having an right royal hissy fit about it all. He had obviously taken Marcheaux's word for who was behind the leaflets (need to add Kingy to my shit list of credulous idiots) and had sent Sylvie off to be 'punished'. FML. Am I allowed to have one single relationship that he doesn't interfere in? And what happened to that sensible magistrate bloke we had dealing with the last refugee crisis who said we needed evidence before people were convicted? FML. 

Well sod that for a game of soldiers anyway - I stomped out and went off to track Sylvie down, and found her taking the lead role in another of Marcheaux's 'Practical Demonstration of the French Justice System' sessions, though this time he was trying to get in on the bondage theme too. FFS - idiot. It's meant to be consensual, or you're just a perverted sadist. Oh - right. Yes. Gotcha. Anyway, Marcheaux being a perverted sadist aside, it's _my_ job to tie Sylvie up if required, so I decided, as Captain, that I definitely needed to liberate her from the Red Guards (with a bit of help from Porthos and d'Artagnan) Go ~~me~~ us! (but mostly me, obviously, being Captain and all.) She was definitely grateful for my help this time, though slightly incoherent. I ramped up my 'concerned' look up to maximum with a hefty dose of 'protective' for good measure (thought that would do the trick in getting back in her good books) then got her back to my place - obviously just to get her cleaned up - she wasn't in a fit state for anything else ~~unfortunately~~. 

Not entirely sure how well all of this is going to go down with his Royal Stroppiness though - Marcheaux is bound to be complaining about us spoiling his fun - what with us disrupting his session with the exchange students, purloining d'Artagnan's cousin, liberating Sylvie, etc. Plus Aramis has been caught passing notes to the Queen. And my Ex is back on the scene now as well (maybe she could placate the King. Then again she might just suggest that he hang the lot of us... best not involve her then.) Hmmm. Think we might be in for some trouble. Though at least Sylvie hasn't started off on any Liberty/Equality/Fraternity speeches yet... So peace and quiet for now then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having said that these were easy to write, it took a bit of work to find the humour/wilfully misunderstand this episode, but it's done now, for what it's worth.


	8. Episode 9 - The Prize

* * *

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 8 ...

Glad to say that my back is much better now. Athos has been lovely and very concerned. Also a complete gentleman - more's the pity. I may need to tie him up again to get his attention - he keeps rushing out muttering about 'team building' and 'duty' every time I try to distract him from whatever he's doing. Consideration is all very well, but what about my needs as a woman? Also, thought I was meant to be an Irresistible Sex Goddess? Hmm.

Anyway, he brought the new mini-King to play today - thought he might be checking out my parenting skillz (go me! Was v. excited) but apparently not - he wanted me and Constance to do some childminding and play Hide and Seek with the King. Was not v. impressed - women should not be stereotyped as primary care givers, we are multi-skilled individuals and can contribute more to society than just child-rearing. Still, I realised it was an excellent opportunity to educate our King about the realities of life in Paris for his loyal subjects.

Started off with a tour of the Real City to enlighten him about the plight of his citizens, and showed him the wreckage of Christoph and Josephine's pub to illustrate the results of Royal Oppression. Annoyingly, he did a runner while Constance was making up a bed for him, and we caught up with him outside where he was stealing food from the ~~poor~~ market stall holders. Obviously he's going to be a tough nut to crack - his tendencies towards Royal Oppression and lack of empathy towards his subjects appear to be well developed already. Still, Rome wasn't built in a day...

After we escaped from the impending lynch mob caused by his Royal Light-fingeredness, Constance took us to hide at her old house (WTAF? People are living on the streets of Paris, and she has a whole house standing empty?) Was slightly unimpressed about her lack of social awareness, but she does give the Settlement lots of food and is generally supportive - is just a bit oblivious to other peoples' needs unless they're pointed out in words of one syllable. Anyway, she got us settled in, then went to tell Athos where our new hiding place was. Much to my surprise, she came back saying she needed to take the King to church, pronto. WTF? I suppose that spiritual education is a good thing (love thy neighbour as thyself; the meek shall inherit the Earth, etc) but it seems a bit daft to go parading round in public when we're meant to be on the 'hiding' part of Hide and Seek. Decided to tell Athos about this change in plans myself, but bumped into Aramis instead, and seeing as he was a monk for a bit, I told him about the new hiding place so he could help with the theme of religious education whilst providing a bit of muscle. Predictably, we nearly got rumbled at the church and had to do a runner from there as well. Still - I decided that since we were out and about already, we should press on with his re-education and show him what a real day's work looks like, and in the meantime Constance decided we should hide at the laundry next, so that was a win-win situation.

The laundress was very supportive - a fine example of female solidarity amongst the masses (must invite her to one of my talks, when I restart them). She had just got us something to eat (thus demonstrating to his majesty the typical food available to people outside the palace), when d'Artagnan arrived. Apparently the Musketeers had decided that we weren't good enough at Hide and Seek and he'd been sent to take over from us. Was a bit miffed, but given our repeated venue changes and narrow escapes, they probably had a point. Was disappointed to cut short the King's education in _Social Inequalities Within Parisian Society_ , but hopefully some of today's lessons with stay with him. In the meantime I can talk to Constance about that empty house... if nothing else we can hold meetings there - starting with one about collective ownership and sharing your redundant possessions with fellow citizens-in-need.

  


* * *

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 8 ...

Wonderful start to the day. Was busy being Captain, when d'Artagnan turned up saying that Treville wanted to see me, **NOW!** FFS - who died and made him...? Oh, right... OK. So, turned out that our new mini-King is as hooked on Hide and Seek as ~~his father~~ the last King was, and, as Captain of his Musketeers, I was obviously nominated to be on his team. Which meant I had to help him hide somewhere in Paris. FML. What is it with the royals and their obsession with Hide and Seek? Still, could be worse, it could be sardines. That gets very unpleasant in full dress uniform - hilts and butts and buckles sticking in all over the place. Very hot and uncomfortable. And Porthos' pauldon is ridiculously big - you really don't want that stuffed in your face... I digress...

Anyway - Hide and Seek. Had no idea what to do with his Royal Smallness - if I want to hide I just put on an extra-large hat and go to a tavern - works for me, but I suspect less so for him. Decided to ask Constance what to do with him - she's BFF with the Queen, so is probably used to playing lots of Hide and Seek.

Went to the Garrison and practised hiding from Porthos and Aramis as a dry run (success!) then sneaked up to my office, and found that Sylvie was up and about, and looking much perkier. (Hope that doesn't mean a renewed campaign to have serious talks about social justice and equality for all is imminent - have avoided those so far by ~~drinking in the tavern~~ having important team bonding sessions with the men - because it's my duty as Captain to make sure that morale and discipline are maintained. Plus, Sylvie needs peace and quiet while she's recovering, so it would be inconsiderate of me to let her ~~bang on about liberty and fraternity~~ have long involved political discussions.) Constance brought the King up to my office and said that my 'hide in a tavern' idea was definitely very bad, as was 'hide in the garrison'. So I instigated an alternative plan that involved delegating the ~~babysitting~~ position of Royal Attendants to her and Sylvie, leaving me free to ~~go to the tavern~~ carry on with the important business of being Captain.

Found the rest of the boys in the tavern - they'd just finished ~~beating up~~ disbanding the Red Guard, but left Marcheaux's sword on the floor for me to kick across the floor in a masterful way and get the last word in. I _am_ the Captain after all. He lurched off muttering threats while we had celebratory drinks. Whatever. Loser.

Went to see Treville and tried to update him on the progress of the game - but he wouldn't let me tell him where the King was hiding. (FFS? I thought he wanted me to Tell Him Everything? Go figure...) Though just as well really, since it turned out later that I hadn't actually got a clue where the King really was by then. Also, I wasn't allowed to tell Aramis or the Queen where he was, and they were _very_ unsympathetic about my duty (as Captain) to not broadcast State Secrets to all and sundry. (Yes, Aramis - I'm looking at you, Mr "Yes your Majesty, I slept with the Queen" FFS...) Eventually I ~~cracked under the weight of nagging and the mournful looks~~ decided that it was too dangerous to be the _only_ one who thought he knew there the King was, and told d'Artagnan that the King was playing Hide and Seek with Constance. Don't know why he was quite so surprised by that, she can handle the cadets, so I'd have thought that one small King wouldn't be beyond her. And she had Sylvie to help out.

Having dealt with the Queen and Aramis both being stroppy, Treville then enlisted me to help deal with Gaston, who was _still_ having a temper tantrum about not being allowed to be King.

Unfortunately, it turned out that Constance wasn't as good at Hide and Seek as I had anticipated, and been involved in a run-in with an ex-Red Guard 'seeking' party. (WTAF were they doing in a church?!) Fortunately Aramis saved the day (he's going to be unbelievably smug about that for weeks) and the crisis was averted - Team King still winning. Go us!

Sent d'Artagnan off to relieve Constance and Sylvie, and suggested to Aramis that we should ~~go to the tavern~~ have an informal motivational chat about how 'all for one' etc. still applies even when I'm withholding information because _I'm_ the Captain. Got distracted on route by Marcheaux and some ex-Red Guards running amok, so had ~~fun killing a few of them~~ to uphold justice and the law ~~by killing them~~. Then the Laundress came and told us that d'Artagnan is even worse at Hide and Seek than Constance, and that Grimaud (of course - who else?) had found him and the King, had upped the ante from just plain old 'Hide and Seek' to 'Extreme Hide and Seek', and was about to announce himself as Ultimate Champion (egotistical fuckwit). So Aramis and I had to postpone the ~~drinking session~~ motivational chat and hot-foot it to save the day. I mean, honestly. Am I the only one with the faintest clue that the whole point of hiding is _not_ to be found. FFS.

As previously noted, Minister "I'd rather die than lose at Hide and Seek" Treville is ridiculously competitive about these games. So while we were on route to save the day, he intervened with Porthos to retrieve d'Artagnan and the King. So far so good, but bloody sodding Grimaud upgraded again to 'Death by Hide and Seek', shot Treville, and then did his vanishing trick again. Fuckity-fuck. Bastard. All very traumatic.

On a minor plus point, at least Treville died feeling satisfied that he'd won the overall game in a suitably heroic manner, but I am NOT happy. FFS. What a complete shambles. I should have just put the Mini-King in a big hat and taken him to a tavern with me after all. Bet that would have worked better.

And now I have to put brave face on for the men, and not get stocious-drunk and miserable about it all. Being Captain has its downside. FML.


	9. Episode 10 - We are the Garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been far too busy to sit down properly and get this last one done, and it turned out to be a bit of an epic. Still, think it's there now*  
> Timings provided by the actual script! :)  
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/writersroom/entries/f79c95d0-e909-4d8f-8f18-f53179b3424f  
> *Really, I think I've fininshed writing it ~~for~~ now...  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Though I might muck about with chapter headings.

## Secret Diary of Sylvie, Part 9 ... several days later

**Day 1**

Athos helped carry the coffin at the funeral today - was all very sad (though he looked v. FAF in full shiny dress uniform and was very commanding). Still - on the bright side, the Queen is the Regent now, which is excellent! Power to the sisterhood!!

Found Athos in a Tavern this evening. To be fair he didn't take much tracking down, it being Minister Treville's wake and all. He was looking understandably glum, and Constance said I should tell him my 'news' to cheer him up. Not convinced it would be the best timing – "Sorry your friend/boss/father-figure is dead. Guess what though - I'm preggers! Yay for unplanned parenthood!" Or not. So I decided that an early night was best and went back to the Settlement.

Barely had time to get to my room, let alone into bed before some inconsiderate sod started letting off fireworks. FFS, I'm a mother-to-be you know, I need my sleep! Went out to complain but realised that it wasn’t actually fireworks, and it appeared that the Musketeers ~~had sent the entire place up in flames purely by virtue of their status as hottest men in Paris~~ were in need of rescuing again, so I rounded up the usual mob and went to investigate with precautionary buckets and firebeaters.

Was most alarmed to find the Tavern smoking, and the Garrison in lots of flaming pieces on the floor, but fortunately the FAF One and his pretty friends were mostly fine, if a bit dishevelled and v. unhappy. (Still looking good though. Oh yes indeed!) Some of the less pretty ones were less fine but they never have much to say for themselves anyway so probably no great loss. (Not that I would judge anyone purely on their looks or the amount they have to say for themselves of course – that would be _very_ shallow.) Anyway, I coordinated my fellow citizens, started to help put the fires out, and generally made myself useful tidying up. Athos looked understandably shell-shocked (and FAF, as ever) but also suitably impressed by my practicality and usefulness. Go me!

**Day 2**

Carried on helping salvage what was left of the Garrison this morning. The Musketeers decided to set up base in Christophe's old Tavern, and then Athos did a lovely motivational speech about how it's who you are and what you do that counts – not where you do it. All very true - past evidence indicates that he is _very_ good at doing all sorts of things in different places and positions. Though suspect that wasn't quite what he meant - pregnancy hormones are obviously distracting me a bit. Anyway, was _very_ proud and impressed with him (once I got my thoughts back on track). Wonder if he'd consider doing an 'Overcoming Disenfranchisement' talk for some of the refugees at my next meeting...?

So anyway, I went off to the settlement to fetch some more supplies (given how much food comes from the garrison to start with, seems only fair to send some back). Got there to find Marcheaux and Grimaud making a nuisance of themselves - oppressing my friends and trying to use me a prize to get Athos to join in some weird Party Games Tournament. Told him that he could FRO with that idea - am not some sort of passive trophy he can use to lure men to his Games with (even if they are v. FAF with pretty friends) – I am an independent woman (with baby on board) in charge of my own destiny!

Was busy trying or organise my fellow refugees to have a sit-down protest at Grimaud's oppression, when he dragged me back to see him again - turned out my midwife had been _very_ indiscreet (so much for patient confidentiality) and he came over all "WTAF are you bringing a child into this world for?" I didn't like to appear a feckless and irresponsible ~~irresistible sex goddess~~ mother-to-be by saying it was a tiny bit unplanned and a by-product of Athos being irresistibly FAF and shit-hot in the sack (or tied against a pillar... or…. hmmm... well, pretty much anywhere really... #smug) Anyway, so I pretended to misunderstand him and expressed amazement and pity that he'd got this far in life without a basic understanding of the human reproductive process: "Don't you know???!" He looked v. hacked off at that and stomped off. Ha! That'll teach him.

Then the bastard got his own back by torturing my midwife until I agreed to write his Invitation to the Games for Athos, telling him to pick Aramis and Porthos for his team. Wondered why not d’Artagnan as well - it's not like he'd join Grimaud's team even if he asked. Still, didn't like to point this out and risk him torturing more of my friends, so kept schtum. Was all v. annoying though. Decided to plan my next speech while we waited around for the start of the Games. Something about how oppression of the masses is completely unacceptable - whether said oppression comes from Royalty or our fellow ~~psychopaths~~ citizens.

Eventually, Athos swaggered along with the others (looking v. FAF and brave!) They opened the Games with a staring contest, then threw a few insults about before Aramis and Porthos went off to have a go at the shooting gallery. Next was some sort of escapology thing - Athos ended up in chains and Grimaud went off on a monologue about something-or-other (not entirely sure what his point was - I got a bit distracted by the sight of Athos looking FAF in chains - have to say I find rope less cumbersome and easier to get hold of, but I'm sure I could work with chains. Can hopefully follow up on that one later...) I started paying attention again when Grimaud waved his knife threateningly at me. Athos was very brave on my behalf and said I wasn't afraid of dying, while I tried to communicate with him via Meaningful Looks that actually I'd rather not die and had some Important News for him. At which point Grimaud waved the knife at my stomach as if I was a sheep with bloat, FFS. Not the most tactful way to break the news of impending fatherhood to the FAF One, and we had to have our entire 'You're going to be a father' conversation via Meaningful Looks ("Really?"..."Yes, soz - meant to tell you"..."Gulp"). There wasn't any time for a proper in-depth conversation anyway though, because d'Artagnan popped up with a gun, surprising Grimaud so much that I could easily knock him sideways with my street-fighting skillz (teach him to threaten my unborn child and the father-of-my-unborn-child) and Athos thumped Marchaud repeatedly (because frankly, why wouldn't you?).

Then they all had a general thump-and-stab-fest - aided by my fellow hostages who were all a bit cross about being Oppressed by their fellow citizens on top of the existing Royal Oppression. Unfortunately my hands were tied behind me still, so my fighting skillz were a tad limited (Athos was ok - his were chained in front, so he just hit lots of people two handed. Gosh. Was very impressive). I camouflaged myself behind a pillar until Athos untied me and set off after Grimaud. (At which point I snaffled the handcuffs for later.)

Grimaud, obviously, got away yet again - despite d'Artagnan having used him as a pincushion, but everyone was fine - apart from the dead ex-Red Guards and Marchaux (who apparently had an unfortunate encounter with d'Artagnan and a large spikey object) All the Musketeers were v. excited at their new status of uncles-to-be, though Athos was a bit overwhelmed - bless. He got all protective and said I needed to rest. Will need to enlighten him about my awareness of what my body needs, and remind him that even though I'm carrying his child, I am still a person in my own right and perfectly capable of making decisions about how much rest I need. In lieu of that, I went off to take the delayed supplies to Constance. (He was very sweet though!)

**Day 5**

Have spent past few days with Athos being very attentive and excited - when he wasn't busy Being Captain. Everyone else is very excited too. Is all very exciting in fact! Though have had to find new midwife, obviously. (But NOT Porthos, even if Elodie says he was very supportive and hands-on when she had her baby.)

So, today it was the big Party in the Cathedral for the new King. Had just got in there when Constance and Porthos told everyone to leave. Which was a bit confusing, but apparently the problem was 'Grimaud in the Crypt with Gunpowder'. So Athos and d'Artagnan went to find him while we watched from a safe distance. Was slightly concerned given their previous rather ineffective efforts at catching him, but Constance and Porthos were very confident.

Fortunately, it turned out that they were right. Athos came back up (with d'Artagnan) looking distinctly damp and a bit pained (God he's FAF!) and then we got on with the Party again. Was quite impressed with her Majesty's speech actually, but think her booking fee is probably too high for my self-help groups. Might borrow a few of her lines for my talks though.

**Day 6**

Exciting day in the Garrison. Porthos went off to be a General at the front, having married Elodie to get free rebuilding work done at the Garrison (v. impressed with Elodie - have asked her to run my Women's Group for me - she can do lots of talks about self reliance and independence), Aramis has been packed off to the Palace to minister to the Queens needs (or something like that - there was lots of smirking which I didn't quite understand, but I'm sure he will use his influence to help her minimise the new King's tendencies towards Royal Oppression and theft from the poor) and d'Artagnan is going to be Captain so that Athos can tour France with me and help bring equality, liberty, and social justice to the masses! He can look after the baby while I provide motivational speeches and education for our fellow citizens! Result! I may also need a lot of bed rest. Or at least, need to spend a lot of time in bed. Hurrah!!

##  ~~Secret Diary of Athos~~ Captain’s Log, Year of our Lord 1637-ish, Part 9 ... several days later

**Day 1**

Rubbish day. Treville still dead. Everyone miserable. Porthos, d'Artagnan and Aramis did the eulogies, then the Tavern got bombed (in the explosive sense as well as the alcoholic sense). Then the Garrison blew up with Constance and the Cadets inside it. FML. Am going to kill Grimaud and Marcheaux. Slowly and painfully. Being Captain has some perks, and one of them is that I get first dibs on killing them. The Garrison was completely wrecked and everyone v. worried about Constance and cadets. d'Artagnan ran in to find Constance just before another big explosion, so we thought he was dead too. V.v.v. depressed - esp. when saw Grimaud lurking on a roof gloating. Bastard. Fortunately, once he did his usual vanishing trick, things started to look up. Found some rather battered cadets disguised as lumps of charred wood, then d'Artagnan emerged (not dead after all - bit of a result!) carrying Constance (also not dead, due to hiding behind a door with Cadet Brujon). And finally Sylvie turned up with some refugees to help put the fire out and generally made herself useful. Am def. v. fond of her. Nice practical girl, albeit with slightly alarming revolutionary tendencies.

**Day 2**

Today we started by having a scavenger hunt round the Garrison. Not a vast amount to be found, so decided to ~~go for a drink~~ move operations to the Tavern. Cadet Brujon got v. upset about leaving the Garrison, so I did an encouraging speech about how we are more important than any place ~~apart from the pub, obvs~~. Everyone looked very serious and approving. Result! Am clearly excellent at Captaining. Sylvie was v. impressed too. She got a bit flushed and gave me lots of admiring and supportive looks, then said she would get some more blankets and food from the settlement to help Constance. Considered asking her to bring wine and rope too, but on reflection, that's probably best kept to her room - not the ~~pub~~ new open-plan HQ.

Was just finishing up at the Garrison when Grimaud sent a messenger. She wasn't much use (being dead) but fortunately there was a note too. Turned out that the obsessed bastard was challenging all of us except d'Artagnan to a whole tournament of party games - winner takes all, with Sylvie and her friends as the prize. FML - was trying to ~~find time for a drink~~ tidy the Garrison, not take part in a one of his OTT Party Game Extravaganzas. Everyone was all very FFS and WTAF, except Porthos, who had a Cunning Plan to make sure we won. Most impressive. While we were finalising tactics, Elodie (her from the Girl Guides) turned up with her baby. Was v. surprised - thought we'd established that _her_ baby def. wasn't our fault, but Porthos seemed v. keen. Left him to it anyway, and took the opportunity to have a Meaningful Conversation with d'Artagnan while Aramis did more surgery on Cadet Clairmont. Eventually got Porthos to put the baby down and implement his Cunning Plan, which included No Rules and No Honour, and setting d'Artagnan (still not dead!) to Stealth/Assassin mode. Sent him off to sneak in the back way to the settlement to wreak silent havoc (that'll teach Grimaud to leave him off party invitations), while we distracted Grimaud and his bunch of Morose Men with our witty repartee and insults.

Started off with Hide and Seek at the settlement, but found everyone _very_ easily - they're clearly missing the point of the 'hiding' part. Then had a Staring Contest with Grimaud (which was a draw I think) and Porthos and Aramis went off to have a Shooting Contest with the ex-Red Guards.

All was going to plan - got chained up in prep for Escapology Contest, when Grimaud (typically) was thoroughly ungentlemanly and threatened to skip the rest of the games and kill us. Was explaining about how death holds no fear for us, when - OMG - turned out that Sylvie is pregnant!!! O.M.G. Exchanged meaningful looks with her ("Have you been standing too close to Aramis, or is it mine?"..."It's yours"..."Cool, I'd better get us out of this then...") Then, d'Artagnan (definitely not dead!) jumped out, which was a bit of a surprise for Grimaud - ha! Though, typically, he shot a random ex-Red-Guard instead of Grimaud (FML - does than man repel bullets, or is d'Artagnan's aim that bad?) But Grimaud was so surprised by d'Artagnan's 'not actually dead' status that Sylvie could knock him over with her hands tied behind her back - and did! Pregnancy and feistiness are not mutually exclusive - was well impressed. In the meantime, I battered Marcheaux with my useful metal handcuffs and Sylvie's friends joined in.

In the resulting chaos, d'Artagnan had a couple of turns at 'Pin the ~~Dagger in~~ Tail on the Grimaud', then had a race with Marcheaux while I was busy untangling Sylvie and chasing after Grimaud. He, as ever, managed to get out of sight so he could upgrade his Everyday Lurking Cloak for an Invisibility Cloak. Was forced to go back and admit to d'Artagnan (who'd dispatched Marcheaux) that he had vanished yet again. HowTAF he managed that I have no idea... was a bit cross, though the overall result was a win:   
Dead Team Musketeers - 0; Dead Team Grimaud - 6.   
But more importantly, OMG I'm going to be a father. Gulp... Is quite cool actually. OMG! Go me! (And Syvlie too, obvs.)

Anyway, the boys all v. excited about being uncles. Porthos v. keen to help with the birth since she's short of midwife - Sylvie seemed less enthused with that idea (have finally found the limits of her belief in equal opportunities for all!) So we compromised with agreeing they could help teach the baby how to fight. Sylvie declined my suggestion of a ~~celebratory shag~~ lie down and went off to deliver supplies to Constance and I got a bit emosh with Porthos (slightly embarrassing since not actually drunk, but he was v. understanding - having recently acquired a baby himself). Went back to ~~the pub~~ HQ for celebratory drinks. Hurrah! And OMG! (Slight pause for thought - the ex won't be pleased.)

**Day 3**

Went to see her Majesty, and got updated on the plans for the ~~big party~~ Thanksgiving Service at the Cathedral. Was still v. excited about impending fatherhood and came up with a plan to Improve Other People's Lives too. Decided that Porthos ought to get some sort of reward for his Cunning Plan, so suggested to her Majesty that he get a promotion (to help fund his Instant Family TM). Plus suggested Aramis for First Minister - that job sounds far too much like hard work to me, and as First Minister, Aramis is officially required to hang out with her Majesty and the mini-King. Another Instant FamilyTM achieved. Go me! Couldn't do much for d'Artagnan by way of providing a baby for him (not without overstepping the bounds of friendship anyway) will have to leave that one up to him and Constance to sort out. There's bound to be something else missing from his life that I could sort out, but can't think of anything off the top of my head... Hmmm... Will put thinking cap on.

**Day 5**

FML. Had just about got her Majesty and the King to the Cathedral this morning for the ~~big party~~ Thanksgiving Service when Constance told us that Grimaud had sneaked inside for another sodding round of Hide and Seek. FFActualSake, the man is bloody obsessed - worse than the last King if that's possible. So I picked teams and took d'Artagnan to play 'Hunt the Fuckwit' in the crypts and left the others to do the crowd control. Once inside, we easily spotted the trail of ~~breadcrumbs~~ gunpowder (back to Hansel and Gretel again) and postponed 'Hunt the Fuckwit' to play 'Hunt the large amount of very explosive gunpowder' (which was ridiculously easy due to the hissy crackly noise and bright glowing fuses being v. conspicuous in a dark silent crypt). Round 1 to us - Grimaud thwarted. We rule! Reverted to Hide and Seek again, and split up to do the seeking. d'Artagnan sniffed him out first and laid into him before I got there, selfish sod. So I pulled rank and said that he could FRO if he thought he was going to kill Grimaud as well as Marcheaux. Told him to Stay! and confiscated his sword just in case (I _am_ the Captain after all - need to make sure that orders are obeyed) then went after Grimaud. Weirdly, I found him by a swimming pool. No idea why the crypt has swimming pool, but there we go. Was quite handy for dumping Grimaud in once I caught up with him. Splashed around and had a bit of a water fight with him, then introduced him to the game of Extreme Apple Bobbing, which he was never going to win because I'd 'forgotten' to add the apple. Like Porthos said, No Rules No Honour ~~No Apples~~. Besides, have gone right off apples since the Ex surprised me while I was eating one.

Was a bit knackered after that to be honest, and my boots were full of water (ick) so I had a little sit down and waited to make sure that Grimaud didn't come back to life or vanish again. In the meantime, d'Artagnan failed his obedience training and came to find me, but I decided to let him off that one, gave him back his sword, and squelched back up to the Cathedral with him to let everyone back in and start the ~~party~~ Thanksgiving Service. Her Highness gave a very nice speech - was sure Sylvie would approve of its inclusive citizenship sentiments. Was slightly startled to hear we were being disbanded (that memo must have been blown up in the Garrison) but relieved about being immediately reformed. Escorted the Royal Family out at the end and watched her Majesty put my Improving Other People's Lives plans into action. Result!

**Day 6**

Plan of action all ready to go. Commission, horse and shiny new pauldron for ~~Cadet~~ Musketeer Brujon; Instant Families TM and promotions for Porthos and Aramis; promotion and a hat for d'Artagnan; sabbatical with Sylvie and Sprog (well away from the scary ex) for me! Sylvie was slightly bemused by my lack of detailed plan once we were out of Paris, but I deflected her with a motivational speech and a snog. Think I'm getting the hang of this Attentive Partner and Father-To-Be thing... Go me!  
.  
.  
.  
Hope there's a pub soon though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations if you got this far :) This last one felt like it was rampaging a bit out of control - I suspect it needs further editing*, but there's not enough time for that at the moment** and to be honest I'll tinker with it forever given the opportunity***
> 
> Thank you for reading, and thanks for the comments and kudos - very much appreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> * (it did)  
> ** (it took a few weeks to find enough time)  
> *** (I will, but I really need to stop now)


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